Tuesday, October 03, 2017

Getting back to myself

Recently I have felt an overwhelming urge for change, in all areas of life.

In terms of blogging, I've struggled to maintain any enthusiasm for most of this year, and have thought about quitting altogether. My blog wasn't bringing me the joy it once did, and I couldn't pinpoint why.

At the same time, I have felt an underlying dissatisfaction with my "real life" too. I've been unhappy with my living space, have despaired trying to find something I actually wanted to wear in my wardrobe, my relationships have seemed off.  But I still couldn't work out what it was that was causing this feeling I couldn't shake. I desperately wanted to work towards change, but it's difficult to do that when you don't know what to change.

I did a lot of thinking, a lot of talking, spent some time with different people and in different places, and had a revelation filled spontaneous tarot reading from a friend over facebook chat. And I finally realised what the problem was.

Somewhere along the line I had fallen back into my old people pleasing ways. With blogging, I had been trying to appeal to a wider audience, making sure I had a mix of different types of posts and was posting regularly. But the focus on regular content had meant that often I wasn't really happy with what I was actually putting up. In life and on my blog, I wasn't truly expressing myself, I wasn't letting people see the real me, and I was doing what I thought I should do, rather than what I wanted to do. Trying to appeal to everyone and upset no one had lead me so far off my path that I couldn't even see where the path was any more. And somewhat ironically, it hadn't even worked.

I also think my priorities have changed quite dramatically over the last few years, and I hadn't fully accepted that. I was still working from the priorities I had when I was in a very different living situation and a very different place emotionally. My life has changed, and it makes perfect sense that I don't necessarily want the same things as I used to.

Looking back on the last few months, the times I have felt happiest and that people have responded most positively, in life and online, have been when I have just been myself and not worried about it. I have to learn that it is ok to be me, and to show that. Not everyone is going to like it, but that's ok too.

3 comments:

  1. I can relate so much to this and I think that realizing what the problem is can be tough. But it's so strong of you to just be honest and I hope that you'll soon feel a lot more better. Personally I am still working on it.

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  2. I'm so glad that you're starting to realise some things and find a way forwards. It's so important to be happy in life. Do whatever you want to with your blog: the people who are "your people" will stay with it and love it. <3

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  3. I’m glad you’re learning to accept yourself! You’re so awesome! I used to try harder with my blog, writing reviews and stuff, now I just write what I like, mostly celebrating my friends and sharing outfits!

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